“Retirement can present us with the hardest challenge of our lives - we loose that which has defined us, as well as our purpose, drive and meaning” - this is how author Derek Milne sums up the pitfalls of retirement in his book The Psychology of Retirement.
Milne describes retirement as “..too often a surprisingly stressful life event, for which many individuals are unprepared.”
I read this book recently whilst on a recent extended trip to the USA, and had plenty of time to think about some of the points covered on the long flight home. The transition to retirement is generally experienced as a grief process because of the loss of a long list of things which have hitherto provided us with “our purpose, drive and meaning”.
Here are some of the things I have identified which we (males) are likely to loose in and/or around our retirement years: hair, vision, teeth, hearing, libido, sex appeal, memory, power, control, influence - our “voice”, balance, stamina, health, cameraderie, income, flexibility, reflexes, stimulation, identity, self esteem, fun, sense of place in the world, support networks, respect, motivation, sense of belonging, goals, friends, family (parents, uncles, aunts, siblings, children, spouse), company, focus, a sense of mattering, a sense of life direction, social interaction, a role in society, a positive future outlook, things to believe in and belong to, one’s spirit.
Given all this, many retirees run out of reasons to simply get out of bed in the morning. Depression may set in, and at this stage we are in danger of loosing any sense of hope - losing hope is the most significant loss of all, as it signifies the loss of will to live.
Research into mental states shows that when people who are depressed loose hope they have reached the point when they are likely to commit suicide: their spirit has finally been overwhelmingly and fatally crushed.
My chum Norm summed it up very well: “This retirement lark isn’t what it’s cracked up to be”.
This blog will explore ways of finding our way back to some sense of belonging in the world, and indeed of even mattering to it once again - but in a more personally meaningful way than being a mere breadwinner.
